This "Freedom" Ain't Free, That's For Sure

You saw me there

you didn't care

that I was poisoning your tea;

it was the glare,

maybe my hair

that convinced you you are free.

Despite what the State Department tells me, it occurs to me that freedom is intrinsically free. It just depends on what you call freedom and who's responsible for making sure you've got it. McDonald's, iPhones, nose hair trimmers, Pepsi, chicken wings, NFL, Grand Theft Auto--is this freedom? That's what my culture tells me it is. We should be proud and lucky to have these things. We're privileged to have heart disease, cancer, eczema, suicide, child molesters, and no less than four school shootings a year. If this is freedom, then yes, that comes with a hefty price tag, one that we must pay for with all our military might and constantly defend. But is it all worth it? It seems to me that it's just good ol' ignorance that calls for an unending series of costs: a billion dollars here, a child's life there, another billion, a kidney, a heart, a soul.

Have you ever seen a commercial for lentils? Bear hugs? Meditation or yoga? Okay, maybe you've seen some yoga ads on your Facebook side bar, but the wisdom that underlies all of these things is already free and available to anyone who chooses to tap into them. They don't need a $3 million Superbowl ad to try to convince you to participate. But Wonderbread, sirloin steaks, the US Army, eyeglasses, vodka and Symbicort--these are things on which this culture is willing to spend trillions of dollars every year for the express purpose of making you needlessly dependent. Are these so-called trophies of freedom really setting you free?

A system that conditions us to believe that we must kill others, strip them of their resources, culture, and connection to the Divine just so it can turn around and sell us the idea that we are living freely is not a free system at all. We are compliant slaves in it, because the cost of our "freedom" is the blood of others. Did we not all learn the Golden Rule as kids? "Treat others as you want to be treated," "Putting others down to make yourself feel better is wrong!" While this society teaches kids nice concepts like that between the hours of 8am-3pm, it simultaneously sends the military and corporate bulldozers into every country on earth to simply take whatever it wants. I'd say cutting down the Amazonian rainforest--the lifeline to millions of tribespeople--so we can have Garfield notebooks is considerably worse than kids calling each other "doo-doo heads" on the playground.

"But they're savages, godless heathens that hate us and would kill us if we didn't stop them first!" is the theme I derive from this whole "Freedom ain't free" shit. All Arabs are religious zealots who want to see Christian America burn in the name of Allah. Tribal folk in Papua New Guinea don't want iPods, so they are of no use to us. They're simple, stupid, and ignorantly missing the train speeding through the 21st century, so fuck 'em. These are myths that have been planted in our collective psyche, myths that attempt to justify the system's flagrant use of cruelty and violence to get what it wants. Well--newsflash--Arabs don't hate freedom. Does it look like Egyptian Arabs are fundamentally opposed to human rights? Maybe they just hate western leaders coming into a culture that it frankly does not at all understand and paying off their own leaders in order to perpetuate the cycle of corruption and repression. It's quite simple: if the United States didn't directly FUND oppressive dictatorships, the oppressed people wouldn't hold contempt for the United States. Maybe they wouldn't be oppressed at all, and we could all act like humans again.

I want to be free. Oh yes, I love freedom. It's sweet. But I know true freedom doesn't come by paying allegiance and taxes to the very system that takes it from the rest of the world, processes it into a toxic pile of bullshit, and spoon-feeds it to me for a "very reasonable price." The freedom to buy cheap crap at Walmart, to drink Coca-Cola all day, to lose my teeth, my mind, my patriotic high school classmate, my compassion, my soul--that kind of freedom comes at a very steep price. And we are all paying it, all the time. But just as interest accumulates on a bank loan, we can't really pay it off until the bank simply crashes. We are automatically indebted, not just financially, but karmically, to all those whose blood has been shed for our fast food, morning coffee, iPhones, Toyotas, Crest toothpaste, and T-bone steaks.

You may be thinking, "but what about your freedom to be an obnoxious little bitch and speak your annoying radical mind? What about your right to come and go as you please, wear slutsuits and get an education? What about that??" And to that I say, you're right! I do have very important freedoms where many people, particularly women, in some parts of the world do not. But I also think that the only threat that faces me of losing these freedoms comes from this government itself. Does it get any worse than running into jungles rich in resources and killing all the indigenous peoples? Can it get worse than dropping bombs on Iraqi schools? In this country, gay people cannot exercise their human right to love and honor each other through marriage in more than 5 of the 51 states (if we're including Puerto Rico). Maybe it will one day tell me I can't gather in a group of five people or more. For my "safety," of course. I know what America is capable of; why should I believe it would never tell me I can't leave my house after 6pm?

Now, on the other hand, I love my morning coffee. I love my iPhone and computer from China. I (kind of) love my Ford Focus, and I love that I went to college for two years before realizing I was a debt slave and subsequently running away from it. But freedoms? I don't know. I think sometimes enslavement feels reeeeaallllyyy good, but we have to be aware that it is enslavement nonetheless. Because I have felt free. I am learning what that means and trying to recognize it more and more, but I know it doesn't feel anything like owing $30,000 to Citibank, getting cancer from a lifetime of processed food, or reading about Chinese sweatshop workers committing suicide in droves. The kind of freedom I am trying to cultivate...well, it's blood-free. It's fat-free. It's just plain free.

That Is Sooo Not Kosher, Dude

I never really thought about "kosher" meat or slaughter. Mostly because I didn't know what actually constituted a kosher food, and I figured since it's Jewish, it doesn't really have anything to do with me anyway. But it occurs to me that the kosher food industry is a huge one, and that's clear if you check just about any box or bag in your cupboard. See the little K or U inside a circle? That's been deemed kosher, which means it is essentially "inspected" by a rabbi and subsequently taxed to benefit one of several Jewish organizations. Kosher meat, on the other hand, carries a whole host of other prerequisites. Just as the demand for All Things Kosher rises, so too does kosher meat. But since the animals consumed by not only kosher Jews but every other meat-eater in the western world do not subscribe to any anthropocentric religion, and we are all made up of the same life force, I figured I should start giving a shit about these practices. What deems a cow "fit" to be eaten by kosher eaters, Jews and Gentiles alike?

I knew the meat was to be handled, processed, and produced in accordance with Jewish law, but I didn't know what this law was. I assumed it was to be blessed by some esteemed rabbi and hopefully treated with a little more respect than the poor beings in today's non-kosher factory farms; as it turns out, the concept of "more respect" and any fantasies of "humane treatment" were really just unconscious euphemisms I'd created and complied with in my mind. There are very vague standards set up for the humane treatment of farm animals, kosher or not, because the USDA's Animal Welfare Act does not even consider animals used for food to be animals at all. Check it out at: http://www.aphis.usda.gov/animal_welfare/downloads/awa/awa.pdf

The Torah, however, does have some guidelines. To the kosher Jew, only mammals with cloven hooves that "chew their cud" and birds that are not birds of prey may be eaten. This means cows, deer, goats, chickens, turkeys, etc. That lucky, unclean pig! Now here's where it gets tricky. The rules that govern kosher slaughter seem well-intentioned, which they probably were and/or are in small communities where animals are still killed with respect and gratitude. But respect, gratitude, and killing one animal a day simply do not pay the bills in Big Agribusiness. Somehow they must compensate for the inefficiency of costly ritual. What this means is that even though modern day practices evolve, the rules of the Torah do not, thereby mutating the "ritual slaughter" from one of reverence and holiness into one which creates loopholes for spiritless cruelty and heartless murder. Instead of God and Spirit, the driving force behind the booming kosher industry is now dollar signs, and the biblical guidelines they must adhere to are now nothing more than empty words. Oh irony!

There are several minor rules to be observed or not, but the major ones go as follows:

1. The slaughterer must be a shochet, a fully licensed and trained religious Jew. (This must be where we get the silly idea about a rabbi blessing the food.) Considering the entire Jewish population of the US still lingers around 2%, this guideline makes me wonder how many religious Jewish men there are to go around who are willing to become murderers in the corporate slaughterhouse, one of the most dangerous workplaces in the world.

2. The animal must be healthy. I honestly don't know how well this one works out, considering animals raised for kosher meat are kept in the same disgusting factory farm conditions as non-kosher animals. Kosher is not to be confused with organic, grass-fed, free range, or healthy. The kosher label has only to do with the slaughter itself and nothing to do with the conditions in which the animals are kept pre-slaughter. According to factory farm statistics gathered over the last 30 years, it's evident that around 90% of all marketable chickens have leukosis (chicken cancer) at the time of slaughter. Delicious! Similarly, about 89% of all beef patties in the US are tainted with E. Coli (yeah, from the thousands upon thousands of pounds of untreated cow shit that remains on the animals when they're sliced and diced). All the animals are pumped with a lovely cocktail of antibiotics, hormones, and steroids, not to mention fed with a super-fattening diet of cheaply-produced grain mixed with sawdust, feathers, newspaper, sewage, grease, poultry litter, cement dust, and ammonia (Diet for a New America, 1987). Yummy. These inedible products become "marketable flesh," which in turn become your own flesh. I'm just saying.

3. The animal must be fully conscious, "alive and moving" before slaughter. In short, the animals are not even granted the twisted amelioration of the stunning bolt gun that some other non-kosher animals are, which renders them unconscious before their bodies are ripped to shreds on the factory line. I can see how this would be fitting on a small farm where spirited Jews are slitting the throat of a likewise spirited goat that they've blessed and loved its entire life. But in a multimillion-dollar slaughterhouse, this refusal to stun the animal out of its unconscionable misery before it is strung up by its hindquarters just delivers an extra dose of sadism.

4. The animal must not fall into the blood of a previously slaughtered animal. I'm a little foggy on this one, but it seems that any accumulation of blood is considered representative of "idol worship," which is a no-no. Therefore, the animal cannot simply be killed in comfort on its side, writhing in an already unprecedented amount of pain. It must be strung up by inserting hooks into its broken hips and wait, sometimes for an agonizing five minutes on the assembly line, for its turn to be murdered.

5. Animals may not be slaughtered in front of each other, especially their young. Well, this is just boldly ignored. Sorry, that shit don't pay.

6. No blood of the animal may be consumed. The best way to drain an animal is to hang it upside down. Gravity. Cool. Check. That's not all though, because in order for certain parts of the creature to be eaten, the veins, arteries, and other such stringy blood-carrying matter must be removed. Unfortunately for the meat producers, this is a costly procedure. Fortunately for the meat producers, they are clever penny pinchers! (Is it in bad taste to make a Jewish joke here? I already have a sour taste in my mouth from all this throat-slitting talk. Okay, I won't, but you are all thinking it. Of course, to be fair, not all meat producers are Jews, just equally good businessmen.) To compensate for the silly expenditure, they only remove the arteries from the parts that are relatively cheap to do so. As for the rest of the meat, they sell it as non-kosher. So even though the animal was slaughtered in this ironic and even more cruel way in the name of good faith, it is marketed as non-kosher because to follow through with the whole ritual is just not good business. Remember: in this society, good business=bad ethics. Good little capitalists.

7. The throat must be slit with one deep, quick, horizontal cut. I suppose this was meant to inflict as little pain as possible. God's been good that way (??). But if you look up kosher slaughters on YouTube (one of which I have provided for you already), you will see that the cow in question is still very much alive, conscious, and evidently in a great deal of pain after having its trachea and esophagus slashed. Stupid cow, you're supposed to be dead! God said so!

To be fair, this particular footage has gotten a huge amount of notoriety in the international community and has been deplored by slaughterhouse experts and rabbis alike. This is NOT what kosher slaughter is supposed to look like. But how do we really regulate this sort of thing? Since kosher beef runs about three times as much as non-kosher beef, it stands to reason that this is a good business (remember: good business=lots of money=bad ethics), and it will keep going. But how do we merge divine grace with Big Business? How do we make sure these big kosher moneymakers are kept humble and present with God's will? Well we can't, as of now, considering kosher meat is even less regulated than its conventional counterpart. The USDA's lax regulations on livestock treatment are completely ignored by kosher slaughterhouses simply because the only actual regulation in existence for conventional livestock is applied only to the slaughter itself, the stunning bolt gun (which is prohibited by kosher standards), and no concessions are made for the despicable containment of the living animals pre-slaughter, as I mentioned earlier.

So why do kosher Jews follow these dietary laws anyway? Well, according to the author on jewfaq.org, it is because the Torah says so. Plain and simple. There are not necessarily any known health benefits to a kosher diet, but rather God wants it this way, so we do it this way. There is actually a whole system of Jewish laws, the chukkim, that apparently exist for no known reason. The devout follow the laws to show obedience to God even when they do not know why. Now I do not purport to believe that humans as we now manifest know everything--far from it--and there are many things that happen regardless of our ignorance to the larger cosmic logic (sweet band name?) behind them. But I strongly believe that in order for anything to be of any use spiritually, it must exist within our hearts. We must know that the actions we carry out are truly serving the Spirit, that which permeates throughout all of us. Otherwise, where are our energies going? We must believe that what we are doing does have a purpose and hold that intention in our prayers. If It is not in your heart, then where is God? Certainly not on your plate.

Extricate yourself from denial. Be aware! I know it's not so pleasant, and denial is a fine place to be, but it's the comfortable process of denial and misinformation that allows these atrocities to go on. Educate yourself and others and demand this system reflect our true needs!

"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities." --Voltaire

Can I Just Talk About Oatmeal For a Minute?

Because I really want to. I love oatmeal. It's so sweet. It is perhaps the most underrated breakfast food out there. Frosted Flakes and bacon-n-eggs can go fuck themselves.

Oatmeal is great for me. It's 100% whole grain, which means nothing has been stripped from it, unlike the hundreds of thousands of refined corn and wheat products that sell themselves with splashy brand names and clever marketing. There is nothing nutritionally redeeming about "whole grain" Count Chocula or Bisquick pancakes. Sorry, but it's true. Oatmeal, on the other hand, packs more than one punch of good grace:

1. Oats are an excellent source of both soluble and insoluble fiber, indigestible fibers that work as catalysts to stabilize glucose, lower cholesterol, and remove toxins from the intestine. But why the seeming contradiction? Well they actually act cooperatively and both serve noble causes in the body. Soluble fiber stays in the intestine and forms a gel-like substance which binds to fatty acids and regulates blood sugar levels. This is particularly helpful for diabetics. It also lowers "bad" LDL cholesterol levels while maintaining the "good" ones, HDL. This is particularly helpful for anyone with or at risk of heart disease, which includes most anyone on a typical American diet. Insoluble fiber is the stuff that sweeps the gut of toxins and moves them out. To put it simply, this fast-acting fiber makes you poop. Boy, does it ever. I almost always have a very satisfying crap shortly after breakfast. And if I have a cup of coffee to go with it? Fuhgeddaboudit!

2. Oats contain a powerhouse of vitamins and minerals. From Vitamin B6 to thiamin, magnesium, selenium, and iron, oats are full of it and more. You get the picture.

3. They fill you up! This goes back to the soluble fiber, which absorbs water and slows digestion. But how great is that? As someone who struggles constantly to find nourishing and filling foods so I won't eat so damn much, oatmeal is a godsend of a start to my day.

4. It's delicious. Healthy food does not have to be bland. You might be saying, "but oatmeal is by definition bland and tasteless!" and you would be right. But there are endless possibilities of yummy additions that do not involve refined sugar of any sort. Here's what I usually put in my porridge:
--sliced banana
--1/2 tbsp raw honey
--sprinkle of cinnamon
--small handful chopped nuts or pumpkin seeds
--raisins

I'm not the only one who enjoys a sweet breakfast, am I? Well you can feel good about whole fruits and raw honey (the healing properties of honey are cooked out of the filtered/processed shit). If you're sensitive to the sugar in honey or concerned about the glycemic index, raw agave nectar is a wonderful alternative. It doesn't have the medicinal qualities honey does, but it's a very tasty, all-natural raw sweetener. Substitute with less than half the amount you would use of sugar or honey; it's powerful!

Want to bulk your bowl up even more? Add a little milk. But let's keep this conversation cruelty-free, okay? Forget the factory-farmed cow's milk (not to mention synthetic hormones, antibiotics, and other drug cocktails that go along with it that are administered to the cows to keep them as complacent as possible in spite of the fact that their entire existence is spent pregnant and chained to a pole--oh yes, I was going to keep this conversation cruelty-free...) and try some almond, rice, soy, or coconut milk. I'm not too much for soy in any form, but I love almond milk. Honestly, and some might disagree, but I don't think it's too far a cry from the taste of cow's milk. I remember when I was experimenting with milk alternatives that soy has too much of that peculiar "soy" taste but rice milk was much lighter. Then I discovered almond, and it's even better. It tastes exactly the same in cereal and baking, of course. Coconut milk, which you may have experienced in one dish or another, is very rich and creamy. Super yummy and good for you, but you probably don't want to buy it regularly, as it's very high in fat (good fat, nonetheless), and, well, shit's expensive. I'm finally realizing that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

On that note, I challenge you to find a milk alternative for one week! Just give it a try! It is a little more expensive than the falsely-marketed "Keep It Cheap By Any Means Necessary" gallons of highly toxic 2%, but if you end up liking your choice you may find after a while that you're just consuming less milk in general. I find it much more cost-effective to use applesauce and canola oil in baked goods and only have the occasional bowl of cereal than to put milk in everything.

Okay, whoa, I got way off track. Wasn't this blog about oatmeal? Well, actually, it looks like I've pretty much covered it. All in all oatmeal is one of the best breakfasts you can give yourself, so give it a try. Maybe take a week-long oatmeal and milk alternative challenge. Why not? It's a new year, and it makes life fun. No better way to clear some of the crap out of your dusty attic of an intestine (except a colonic--I won't go there, this time).

Much love!

How to Conceive a Baby--This is So Long Maybe I Should Just Write a Book

My baby was unplanned. I did not count my ovulation days, take my temperature every six hours, or schedule sex. In fact our awareness of him began as a sort of "oh shit" moment (the kind you've seen a thousand times in movies), which quickly gave way to a "this is okay, this is cool; let's run with it" mentality. I don't pretend to believe that all babies begin that way though. Many new mothers-to-be (or potential mothers-to-be) are horrified, whereas others are euphoric. I wasn't horrified, but I did cry for a few minutes when the double pink line appeared on my pee stick. This blog is for all those who would be euphoric.

I'm not sure what's inspired me to write this. A lot of babies have come into my reality as of late. A lot of desire for babies, on top of that! Maybe it's just my reality, like I say, because I happen to have a baby. But maybe birth control has actually become uncool, what with the hippest pill around, Yaz, being near the top of the list of Pharmaceuticals Nearly Guaranteed to Kill You. It seems like having babies is actually cool again, even for young people. I mean, I'm 23, and I just heard the good word that a couple of my closest friends from Back Home are expecting their first. They're my age and totally blissed out about it (if the poor girl weren't so nauseated all the time. Oh the joys of the first trimester.) The point is, people want to have kids, and they want to teach them kindness and sign language and raise 'em right. Sounds good to me.

At the same time I've also been thinking about a cousin of mine who is desperately trying to conceive and has been for at least a couple of years. We're not close--I haven't seen or spoken to her in years--and although it's likely we share no spiritual or social values, I empathize with her. There is a kindred feminine energy there that wants for her to have as many children as she can possibly handle. But I get this feeling, and I guess it's a little more than a feeling but not quite fact, that she harbors anger and resentment toward anyone that has children when she does not. "If I can't have 'em, nobody can!" sort of thing. While I can certainly understand how easily those emotions can rear their ugly heads at a time when you are feeling impatient at meeting disappointment month after month, I believe there really is something to be said for one's attitude about the whole process.

First off, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I did not get pregnant the first time I had sex (thank Goddess), and I was not using birth control when I did conceive. In fact, we engaged in unprotected, irresponsible sex for almost a year before little Sage graced us with his presence. So if you've been trying for three months and are about to visit a fertility doctor, give it more time. Even if you've been trying for two years, give it more time and maybe try a few of my recommendations before undergoing invasive procedures and allowing yourself to be told your uterus is "hostile" or any other such nonsense. Yes, I'm thinking of "Grey's Anatomy" here. Poor dark and twisty Meredith with her inhospitable environment.

Now I'm no medical expert, and I am in no way guaranteeing anything, but the following suggestions are more holistic and perhaps a bit more fun than taking your temperature every morning and scheduling the love makin' for exactly 3:15pm on Tuesday, the 4th. If you are having difficulties getting pregnant, those steps can be vital to success, but I hope to throw a bit of humanity back into this process that often, sadly, turns out to be a passionless chore.

Keep in mind that in conjunction with everything described here, there is a vast wealth of more clinical and credible holistic approaches to fertility, such as acupuncture, energy work, yoga, and herbs, as I will briefly touch on. You can find all the information you want on these methods with a simple Google.

1. Creating Positive Vibrations: Give Thanks and Give Joy
This may sound like one of those hippy dippy things, but stepping back, being grateful and producing positive vibrations is hugely important. When you celebrate the fact that babies still are coming into the world (did you see "Children of Men"?), even if not yet by way of you, then you are giving off a positive vibration. And it's kind of common knowledge that babies really like positive vibes. The trick is to get your vibration to attract and match that of a soul wandering around in the cosmos, looking for a new mother. (I'm realizing that maybe my advice won't fall so softly on the ears/eyes of some religious folk who do not believe souls live more than one life or that everything is vibration. In effect this probably would not help my cousin much. But if you dig it so far, please continue.) For example, let's say your friend Jenny tells you ecstatically that she is pregnant and due in August. If you, who are feeling disappointed and angry that you're not pregnant yet, tell her congratulations but then go on to bad mouth her behind her back ("that slut probably doesn't even know who the father is"), you are actually giving off a negative vibration, one which stresses your body and turns little baby souls off from coming in.

Try empathizing with your friend/sister/co-worker/cousin; take on her joy. Feel what that excitement feels like. Revel in it. The more joy you actually experience, the more positive vibrations you will produce.

2. Visualization
Once you've started feeling what actively producing positive vibration feels like, visualization follows very quickly behind. I'm going to explain this step simply because there are hundreds and thousands of materials on visualization out there, especially now, and it all works in the same fundamental way. Create in your mind what it is you desire. Imagine the baby you so dearly want, see his/her face, feel his smooth skin, see his nursery, his clothes hanging in the closet, your partner's face as you wonder at each other in amazement. See your own pregnant body, feel your rounded belly. Basically, daydream about your baby. This is probably the part of the process that is the most fun. (Sorry, guys, but it's true. That's a whole other can of worms.)

The power of visualization is vast and largely ignored in our scientific world. We were all brought up to believe daydreaming is a "waste of time" when it couldn't be further from the truth. This is how we figure out what it is we truly want in life and bring it into being, by painting pictures in our heads. There must be a blueprint of a house before there can be a house, right? The bottom line is our thoughts are very powerful and actually do in many ways create the world we are experiencing. If you're not convinced, I encourage you to explore the world of visualization further through reading and your own practice.

3. Attract Goddess Energy
Stay with me, it's not as bad as you think. By "goddess energy" I simply mean all that represents the female, and particularly the Mother aspect of existence, aka the Divine Feminine. If you have a male archetype God, then we must have a Goddess, yes? Yin and yang, black and white, god and goddess. As two sides of the same coin, these opposite aspects make up All That Is.

Whew, okay, now that we've got that straight, it only makes sense that you would want the Divine Mother's support as you aspire to take on the most female process there is: the bearing of a child and becoming a mother yourself. (If you believe God created Man in his image, and you've seen how that's manifested in your husband/partner concerning "girly things" like your menstrual cycle, then I can only assume you must believe the male side of God won't know jack about this whole pregnancy business.)

You don't have to dance naked around a fire on the full moon singing praises to Diana or Gaia (though that can't hurt); there are fairly "normal" things you can do to attract and focus goddess energy in your life:
a) Garden--Just as your womb is a fertile ground waiting to nourish a child, so the earth incubates seeds and guides our crops into maturation. Mother Nature, Mother Earth, they don't just call it that for no reason. Plant an herb garden, get some houseplants, and just nurture the hell out of 'em. By connecting with the natural processes of the earth, you are connecting with the Divine Feminine. You want that connection. (Hey, if you can take care of houseplants, you can have a baby. My son is healthy as a horse, but I can't seem to keep a damn fern alive. Go figure.)

b) Herbs--There are at least several dozen herbs I am aware of that support reproductive health. Two that seem to come up quite a lot are Red Raspberry Leaf and Nettle Leaf, though I am not an herbalist (yet), and I don't purport to know how to advise anyone on employing them. I am happy to say that plant medicine is powerful, and because of this, using herbs in any form is a responsibility you must be knowledgeable about beforehand. Use at your own discretion and if possible, under the advisement of an experienced herbalist.

c) Scents, Colors, and Ritual--Smell is one of our strongest senses, if not the strongest. It is the most closely tied to memory and emotion. It is safe to assume that scent is a powerful tool in attracting (or dispelling) energies to/from us (I certainly dispelled those damn roaches with the strong odor of bay leaves and clove!). Same goes for color. Colors are not to be explained away with abstract scientific jargon. Whether it's a simple concept to you or not, colors are vibration. Incenses and colored candles are used in rituals all over the world, including your local Catholic church, in order to bring awareness to the spiritual work at hand and welcome the energies of certain gods/goddesses. I know "ritual" can be a scary word, one that evokes thoughts of human sacrifice and witch doctors, but ritual has a very wide spectrum of possibilities. It can be as intricate as a tribal sacrifice or as simple as you sitting in front of a burning candle, visualizing your future baby.

There are countless variations on what I've suggested here: you can draw inspiration from the hundreds of forms of fertility and motherhood represented throughout every culture, and the visions you can create with your own mind are limitless. This is a very powerful thing, but that power only helps you if you believe in it. Focus on something you believe in. When you actually believe that what you are doing is beneficial to you, you are successfully creating positive vibration and are far more likely to achieve the desired result.

4. Nutrition
I am 1000% supportive of holistic nutrition, but I know babies don't only come about by way of women who eat quinoa and kale all day. I don't believe you have to give up alcohol if you want to conceive either. I was eating ramen noodles and going to the bar three nights a week the first few weeks of my pregnancy (I was confusing that pregnant hungover feeling with the real hungover feeling), and I'm sure you've heard of a crackhead or two with at least four kids. But eating well certainly cannot hurt your chances of conceiving. I'm sure there are plenty of what one might call "old wives' tales" about the particular foods that help, and you're free to look those up, but I am a strong advocate that the key to holistic eating is a Whole Diet. Whole foods, of course, and lots of them, but also anything else you want (Triple Chocolate Chunk ice cream, Cheetos, hamburgers, beer), though not nearly so often. If you're not a health nut and don't get super excited about vegetables, believe that there really are so many ways to make healthy eating delicious. But balance is the key. Have a big bowl of ice cream once a week, and get drunk with your friends one Friday a month (or with your partner--babies have been known to be created that way!). That should keep you somewhat sane and relieve the pressure of trying to get pregnant.

I have given you a lot of suggestions and an overwhelming amount of information, much of it of a spiritual nature, I know. It's not exactly characteristic of me. But I feel strongly that in lieu of the highly specialized, expensive, often physically and emotionally painful non-holistic approach to fertility the medical world presents, there must be a simpler alternative to the vast universe that is conception.

*I celebrate you, dear reader, and I acknowledge the Divine Feminine that resides in you. May it bless you with as many beautiful children as you can dream!*

Really Great Anti-Roach Remedy

It's another bright and beautiful morning. You hop out of bed, skip into the kitchen and pull open the utensil drawer (you'll undoubtedly need a spoon for something), only to find yourself roadblocked by turds. Dozens of them, an army even, scattered all over your knives, forks, spoons, and sweet vintage bottle opener you got at that yard sale last summer. You even see a couple dried, yellow splotches of what you can only assume is urine. What is normally a safe haven for your most intimate kitchen tools (they go directly in your mouth, after all!) is now a literal dumping ground for varmint excrement. Ugh. You assume it must be roaches because you've not heard any mouse-related scurrying sounds issue from the cabinets. Or better yet, you've actually caught them red-...legged? Antennaed? Well, instead of running out for a can of Raid or other toxic traps, look to your spice rack. The effect is immediate, you won't smell it yourself, and there's very little risk to the wandering hands and noses of children and/or pets.

Proven turn-offs to roaches (or whatever keeps pooping in my drawers):
Bay leaves, torn down the middle to release the scent
crushed red pepper
ground cloves
And of course, the absence of food out in the open!

Simple. Easy. Delicious (but not for the beasts). I just fill little cotton satchels with a combination of any or all of these spices and set them in "problem areas" (corners of kitchen counters, in drawers, even the pot-and-pan drawer under the oven). I actually only have two proper satchels, so to cover all the ground I just fold the spices up in a paper towel, tape it shut, and poof! No more poop. It's really that easy. (For an all-natural and effective clean-up of the already existing feces, wipe the pieces away and then spray your surfaces with a vinegar-water solution, and maybe some lemon juice. *Tink!*)

Try it out. By avoiding the super-toxic chemical sprays, you really have nothing to lose but your risk of introducing damaging (and frankly, not very tasty) poisons into your confined eating spaces. Sounds good to me!

Role Call!

Oh boy it has been quite a while, hasn't it? I feel like I've started my last 10 blogs like that, but in this case, it's true. I haven't written since before the baby was born, and that was six months ago today! As is common knowledge, there's not a whole lot of extra time for ranting on the Internet with a new baby around, so I was delighted to recently find the inspiration.

It was a lovely, happy night here at Trailer Hitch Studios. I had just gotten three loads of laundry done, the baby was finally asleep, and Mike and I were unusually chipper. So I had a couple glasses of wine, watched a few thrilling videos on the Gaza Strip and 9/11, and logged onto Facebook. A dangerous combination indeed! Like drunk dialing your hot poli-sci professor, but not so much drunk as just a little sweaty under the arms.

Whilst generally fucking about on that network to which we are all enslaved, I stumbled upon the current status of my best friend/hetero lifemate, a politically active little firecracker in our home state. I had just spoken to her earlier on the phone and inundated her with some hot gossip about the Israeli influence in American politics, including the role her own US senators are playing, and peppered it with a little 9/11 truth. I was excited to be able to talk to someone else who was interested, she being so politically ambitious and what-not. Her status was an enthusiastic expression of gratitude for her co-workers and volunteers and also a lament for those that "sit sedentarily bitchin." This was followed up with a small string of comments from a few of those friends and co-workers, affirming their roles of action and further annoyances over those that do not "spread the word" but instead "watch Glenn Beck and blog in response." I generally do not put my ten cents into a jar already crowded with ardent and spirited two-party affiliates, but I was feeling frisky and confrontational, so I left a comment of my own. Nothing too spicy, just my own lament over the commonalities of both Democrats and Republicans. To be specific, that "Democrats and Republicans alike are bought by the same people." Shortly thereafter I was met with a saucy response of something along the lines of how "fashionable" it is to be "against everything" because then I don't have to believe in anything. My first thought was, "Democrats and Republicans are everything? Holy shit, we're worse off than I thought!" But I followed it up with my own impassioned spiel (there goes that Jewish influence again) on the things I do believe in: how it doesn't matter to the Palestinians which Americans call themselves elephants and which call themselves asses when they are both being paid to support those that imprison them. I realize if we're just talking about local politics and domestic issues, then sure, there are fundamental differences. But when it comes to foreign policy, which is generally what I gravitate towards (it's just more juicy), both parties tend to walk hand-in-hand (with guns in both). The response I got was pretty typical and essentially that someone's Facebook status is no place for "bitching" (my quote, just for the sake of coming full-circle, not theirs) about Middle Eastern policies. I'd like to know what IS the right forum for such discussion? I'll argue that it's not just policy for the distant and conflicted Middle East, but that it directly involves the American people, therefore my ranting about it in random places is justified. Because in order to appear sane and rational we should only talk about the things that affect us. This bond between the US and Israel is not a secret, yet it's such a removed issue for Americans because a) We are supposed to hate Arabs and b) We are supposed to love all Jews and subsequently the state of Israel unconditionally--not for the practice of Unconditional Universal Love--but because they were victims of the Holocaust and should still be treated as such.

I was reminded that President Obama has "promised on numerous occasions" that he is going to step in on the issue of Israeli apartheid. Yes, he has promised this on numerous occasions. He claims to want to "bring peace" to the Arab-Israeli "conflict" (genocide/brutal civilian murder/societal devastation), yet according to a 2010 congressional report, for the fiscal year 2010 he still allotted $2.78 billion for Foreign Military Financing, aka Israel's military. Yay, a miniscule amount less than the Bush administration's $3 billion a year! Yes, Democrats and Republicans ARE different! If someone can explain how handing over billions of dollars to the Israeli military and at the same time expecting them to QUIT doing the job they are being granted to do makes any sense, I'd like to hear it. Actually, I wouldn't. Because it won't make sense. It is completely irrational. If Obama is being threatened, blackmailed, and extorted, then let's just call it what it is. Let's not present apples and call them oranges.

The expansion of Israeli settlements on stolen Palestinian land is illegal according to the International Court of Justice and the UN Security Council, not to mention ME! Why then are they still permitted to expand? Furthermore, why is America still PAYING them to do it? What is the point of having an International Court of Justice if they can't do anything about those that defy it? There can be no viable "peace talks" when the unwavering financial and military support of the US is behind one side while the other side struggles just to survive every single day.

You want people to actually DO something instead of sitting around bitching? It starts right here, with lowly civilians like myself, drudging up the messy Middle Eastern policies and sensitive issues that fire us up. Otherwise those conversations are resigned to stay around designated philosophical tables and behind contrived podiums. This attitude that we dare not bring these topics up unless we are specifically at a political meeting, rally, or office is absurd and exactly why the average American doesn't KNOW about the most pertinent issues we face today.

I'll argue that blogging is action. The spreading of information is an important role many have undertaken, many in conjunction with other activities, but some as their sole contribution to political/social concerns. I know I've learned a hell of a lot more truth from the average person's blog than from 99% of endorsed politicians. We all have our roles. Some hold signs, some march, some run for office, and some read people's Facebook comments and blog in response.

Why Horrific Births Really Get My Goat

Ugh. I just watched the most horrific birth. Probably not the most horrific, but pretty disturbing. Remember when I promised to give my thoughts on the show "16 and Pregnant"? You're about to get my three cents. Yes, I admit, I am sickeningly addicted to this weekly MTV trash. Mostly I subject myself to it because not only do I gain another reference to societal ills, but I tend to come out feeling exponentially greater about my own values and upcoming experiences.

This week's episode, which is ending as I speak because frankly I stopped caring after the birth, follows a (you guessed it) 16-year-old girl Samantha who got pregnant and now has to deal with the consequences! Those damn consequences. She and her boyfriend actually get along which diverges from the usual conflict of the show, so producers had to find one. In this case it's between the mothers of the two young parents. That's really not important though. The sticky part begins when she walks into the hospital to be induced at 38 weeks.

That's right, she's getting induced at 38 weeks, unless the little clips which head the scenes were all completely off on the number of weeks along she was. At 38 weeks she says her due date has passed, and since babies are allegedly supposed to adhere to medical estimations, that must mean there's a problem and she must be induced. For those who don't know, due dates are typically estimated at 40 weeks, and "normal" birth occurs anywhere between 37-42 weeks. She could have reasonably cooked that bun another month if the doctors believed in nature. But no, you'll see that concept is quickly laid to rest with an easy and thoughtless round of drugs.

Once they've dosed her up with her first round of Pitocin (the drug which stimulates the uterus to forcefully contract, which usually results in longer, more painful contractions, followed by the necessary epidural to numb the unnecessary pain), she sleeps a full night in the hospital without feeling much of anything. The next day they continue to pump her with the drug until she does feel something. Around 15 hours into labor the pain becomes severe, yet she is still not dilated past 1 or 2 centimeters. Epidurals are not generally given until dilation of 3 centimeters, so she is told she must endure the excruciating pain until she gets to that point. That never happens. This poor girl is lying there literally screaming because the pain is so intense, and it's a wonder to everyone why her cervix isn't opening and allowing the baby to pass. The nurse says this is an indication that the baby "just isn't gonna fit," as if it's at all a mistake made by Nature that both the baby and her mother have been injected with a severely stress-inducing drug, compounded by Samantha's natural stress hormones which are no doubt secreting off the charts at this point. Biologically, the production of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline causes muscles to contract and close, as if to turn white and flee the scene if they could! It is completely obvious that this baby and the incredibly intelligent tissues that surround it are stressed, threatened, and refusing to birth because of all the unnecessary stuff that's been done to them.

Of course, after over 20 hours of torturous and unfruitful labor, the interventions come to a climax when she is wheeled into the OR for a relieving C-section. Sure, Samantha's own mother had two, so why shouldn't she have one? She undoubtedly thinks this is normal, that there is something wrong with her body--she probably still thinks the baby wouldn't "fit"--so thank God the good doctors were there to save her and perform the medical miracle. Yes, it is good that the doctors were there to finally put her out of her misery and skillfully cut the baby out, but the need for that would most likely never have arisen if the doctors (more like the nurses following doctor's orders) had never touched her in the first place.

After the major surgery she has just undergone, the new mother is too weak to even see her baby for over a day. The traumatized infant is kept in the nursery and fed synthetic formula. Whether this was Samantha's choice beforehand or not is not at all discussed, but it's clear that she doesn't seem to care either way. She finally shuffles at tortoise pace to the nursery to hold her daughter for the first time, but she is in too much post-surgical pain for the moment to be considered at all sweet.

Yes, this post is admittedly loaded with language designed to get you to see my side of it, but that's television's only purpose, so why should I respond to it any differently? I'm through holding my tongue. I'm not very good at it. I'm outspoken about what I see. And I don't just bitch for no other reason than to expose other people's faults because I'm some kind of angsty youth. If I express concern about an issue it's because the issue is important to both me and society or humanity at large. If the majority of women, especially young women, continue to believe that their bodies are faulted and only rich doctors taught and conditioned by even richer doctors know how to birth their babies for them, then our society will eventually lose what makes us human and we will forget who we truly are as spiritual, intelligent, and natural beings. Can you imagine a day when the innate wisdom of knowing how to have babies is stripped from us completely and we must look to "authorities" for all the answers? I hope not, because that will indicate that we are tapped of our humanity. We "just won't fit."

Of course television skews reality like a frog in a blender, but there is really no denying the general idea of how that birth transpired. I don't even know if I could call it a birth; it was truly little more than sheer labor. That may sound harsh and unfair, but even through the TV I can tell there is postpartum awkwardness between Samantha and her baby. The trauma experienced by both of them hangs heavily, though perhaps intangibly. When asked by her friend a couple of weeks later how different she feels now that she's a mom, the girl hazily claims she feels "a little different, but I don't know how to explain" as if she's in front of her math class, giving the answer to #12 on her homework.