"Breaking Bad" Season 5 Premiere -- "Live Free or Die" Rambling Recap

After months of anticipation, our beloved “Breaking Bad” is back for its fifth and final season, and Sunday’s premiere lacked no luster.  Kicking things off with a typically cryptic opening scene, we find Walt in a Denny’s, donning what is either a dowdy disguise or the result of a pretty rough couple of months (equally likely and non-exclusive).  He looks despondent but anxious over an untouched breakfast and accidentally engages in conversation with the all too cheery waitress, whose can of happy worms is opened when he tells her it’s his birthday.  She’ll have him know his breakfast is FREE then--I said FREE--so long as he proves with his ID that he’s not committing Free Birthday Shit fraud (a rising problem in American society).  He doesn’t give a damn, but she basically insists: “free is good, free is always good!”  He acquiesces and shows her his license, an obvious fake from New Hampshire, which starts her to prattling on about something or other.  He slips away from the counter when he notices a certain man entering the restroom, but not before leaving a whopping C-note under his plate.  Since securing his status as the Meth King of the Southwest, he will never again be mistaken as the kind of guy who accepts a free Denny’s breakfast.  He meets the man in the restroom--someone familiar, though I can’t quite place him--and Walt slips him a cash-stuffed envelope in exchange for a set of car keys.  He asks if there is an instruction manual, to which the man replies that there’s something in there “off the Internet.”  With a done deal and a flimsy good luck, the man departs.  We don’t know exactly what they’re talking about, but we are intrigued!  In the parking lot, Walt locates the car left for him and provocatively opens the trunk to find some sort of automatic weapon that ain't nuttin' to fuck with (we then remember the man as the under-the-table arms dealer from whom Walt bought his first gun; aw, how fast they grow).  Cue opening credits.  Hi.  We’ve missed you.

Back to the present moment, which picks up where we left off with season 4.  Walt is on the phone with Skyler, who’s still holed up at Hank’s house due to that clusterfuck of death threats, and she’s frighteningly sure her husband is responsible for Gus Fring’s sudden demise.  He simply tells her it’s over and that they’re safe, which freaks her out even more.  Once off the phone, he rushes home to take care of the bomb-making mess he left in the kitchen (a good cook always cleans up); to be a fly on the wall if Skyler came home to that!  Just as he’s pouring himself a drink he remembers one more thing and rushes out back to dispose of what we see is the Lily-of-the-Valley plant, proof that Walter did actually poison young Brock in order to motivate Jesse to go along with his plan to assassinate Gus.  The kid’s okay and the plan worked, but this just secures the ever-present theme that Walt will do anything to survive and thrive.  Of course this is the concept around which the show revolves, but it’s reaching new heights and plundering new depths, as this is no longer just about providing a financial future for his family.  This is about straight up winning. Everything.

With impeccable timing, Skyler and the kids come home, Walt Jr. spraying his shorts over the thrill of it all.  Gus Fring a major drug dealer, his uncle Hank a major hero--if the kid could act cool for even a nanosecond he could probably even majorly get laid.  But that’s clearly not going to happen.  Though visibly irked at the idea of Hank getting the credit, like usual, for once Walt has more pressing matters than his ego and follows Sky to the bedroom where she coldly unpacks.  She finally admits she’s just plain scared of him, and we all know this turns Walt on.  Content to settle down and finally have that damn drink, one last crucial thing dawns on him.  And this one’s a doozy.

Back at the superlab, now destroyed since we last saw it in flames, Hank and the boys are looking fly in Hazmat suits (and a cane!  Very bold accessory), picking through the gnarly remains.  When Hank points out some mangled object above them, silly, useless Gomez supposes it’s “lab equipment,” but Hank’s got a hunch it’s a “camera.”  Of course we know this is the camera that documented the direct participation of our nearest and dearest in the largest methamphetamine production organization ever, that which Gus jerked it to back in his Pollos Hermanos office. Shhhiiiit.

All-Business Mike is for some reason still down in Mexico, healing from the gunshot wound he sustained during the recent, stylishly poolside cartel shootout.  When he learns Gus is dead, he’s suddenly A-OK, driving angrily through the desert, presumably to give the man he knows is responsible a piece of his mind (still not sure why he cares much).  But Walt and Jesse are on a mission as well and conveniently cross paths with him--in a great camera shot, all expansive and dusty and yellow--for a tense but necessary reunion.  They explain the current situation and need him to tell them where Gus kept his video surveillance footage, though they soon learn that the police already have custody of Gus’ laptop and other office equipment.  Mike is sure they’re toast and is hell bent on disappearing, but Walt and Jesse reel him back in with the promise of a plan to destroy the brutally incriminating evidence without even entering the building in which it’s kept.  Committed frenemies Walt and Mike get nowhere squawking back and forth until Jesse can interject his own idea which looks to be pretty brilliant: magnets.  *Chirp chirp*

*Chirp chirp*

SHIT YEAH!  MAGNETS!

Meanwhile, Saul Goodman pays Skyler an unsolicited visit at the carwash, to inform her that whilst in negotiations to write that hefty check to the IRS which she organized, Ted Beneke had a bit of a mishap (remember that scene?  The oranges and all?  LOL).  He’s alive, which is rather inconvenient considering what he knows.  Skyler goes to see him in the hospital, and we see the once smug Ted looking wrecked in every imaginable way.  She feels bad for him, I feel bad for him, but at the end of his “I’ll never breathe a word” spiel Skyler puts on her super stone cold face and coolly replies, “Good.”  Yikes!

With the help of their friend at the junkyard (who totally saved their asses with the whole RV-ditching debacle), the three amigos concoct a pretty simple plan to take care of their vexing little problem.  They’ve essentially rigged a giant magnet that they can control from outside the police station, which will not only erase the computer but for kicks will slam everything made of metal into the evidence room wall.  Stay in school, kids!  Science is fun!  In the getaway car, Mike is still skeptical and wonders why he should believe the plan even worked.  In that way that he does, Walt responds, “because I say so.”  Rrrruff.

Sometime either before or immediately after that, Walt visits Saul, who explains to him what happened to a rather sizable chunk of his money (you know, he gave it to Skyler to give to Ted to give to the IRS.  Ugh!).  Saul proclaims that all this is too much for even him, a little rant Walt tolerates.  He then stands, the subject of a great camera angle from below which makes him look quite large and authoritative. And he is just that as he approaches the weak-kneed Saul behind his desk and creepily cautions him that they’re not done until he says so. When he returns home, undoubtedly on a bit of a power trip, he corners Skyler in an uneasy embrace and whispers "I forgive you." Why is this chilling and creepy? We know Walt loves his family and would never hurt them (?), but will he take advantage of his wife's declared fear of him? Yeah, probably so.

With the conclusion of this episode, we realize Walt’s ballooning ego seems to have no limits, which has mostly worked for him since he’s just so damn good at what he does. Considering where he started as a doormat of a cancer-ridden high school chemistry teacher, the progression is logical and classic.  But science teaches us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction; in its final hours, will the king fall from his throne?


Other questions: did the magnet trick really work?  What was the information the cop discovered behind the framed photo of Gus?  Methinks this will be an even bigger problem for the boys.

See ya next week (maybe)!

      

Ron Paul Needs to Get Straight on Gay Marriage

I love Ron Paul, that ol' coot.  I really do.  He is spot on in terms of the corrupt economy and overstretched military, but for the sake of fair debate I've got to state my ever-growing realization that he's really got to get his fucking shit together when it comes to gay marriage (and abortion, for that matter, but we won't delve into that shitstorm right now).  

In the wake of yesterday's landslide passing of Amendment One in North Carolina, which limits the legal recognition of partnership rights to those of "one man and one woman," President Obama has finally come out of the cozy political closet and boldly announced his support for same-sex marriage.  When asked in a press conference today for his reaction to the president's proclamation, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney--well--reacted as Mitt Romney does.  He's against it and essentially wishes the cute, naive little president good riddance in November's election.

But what about Ron Paul, Big Media's black sheep who is, actually, more popular than ever thanks to his relentlessly powerful message of fiscal responsibility and personal liberty?  Let's not go into the arduous details of his "chance" of securing the Republican nomination in spite of his crazy delegate-having and caucus-cockpunching, but instead focus on his own solid stance on same-sex marriage.  In his response to the question posed by Neil Cavuto on Fox Business today, Paul reiterated his view that while he personally believes marriage is between one man and one woman (snore), he also fundamentally believes the government should stay out of our business and not be the ones deciding what actually constitutes a marriage.  In other words, he'd rather marriage not be a legal institution at all, but rather some hazy kind of churchy one.  In theory, this sounds pretty great: no more laws concerning marriage at all!  Polygamy finally WINS!  But is he serious about the church thing?  And what does this mean in terms of right-here-right-now leadership?  

If there's one thing Ron Paul is, it's consistent.  His views DON'T CHANGE, and this is both a major strength and weakness for someone trying to become president in 2012.  While we need a leader who doesn't "flip-flop," we also need someone flexible and accessible enough to listen to us and our ever-evolving desires for the direction of our country.  In order to get there, though, we need that person to know which steps to take in order to firmly guide us out of the bureaucratic purgatory we now inhabit.  We know he blasts his fellow conservatives out of the ironic waters for his lofty economic ideas and severe foreign policies, but is holding steadfast to the notion of eliminating marriage laws altogether a practical approach to such a personal, relevant issue of today?

Okay, we get it, Ron, you are a strict Federalist and Constitutionalist and want everyone to tend their own fields and school their own kids and marry themselves before their own gods in their own churches they built with their own two hands, but this isn't 1779, dude!  Neither is it 3012.  We're living in a minefield of laws and running into red tape every time we take a shit; this is a system which must be deconstructed carefully if it's going to be deconstructed with any grace at all (if that's what we're aiming for, that is).  It seems he doesn't push this or any of his social issue stances to the forefront because he truly doesn't believe they are as important as our country's money problems.  The man's got priorities, sure, but that approach is sinking him fast because it's really all connected.  Legal marriage--not just marriage, but domestic partnership--is more than a license number on a piece of paper; it is the institution of being honored as a unit with its own rights in regards to family/children, health, and yes, money decisions.  If the glass pane of legal marriage and anything resembling it were simply smashed, where would all these shards fall?  The way our society views marriage and the resulting rewards (and punishments) from it are not absolute, but neither are they going to go away overnight if he becomes president.  So where does that leave us now?  

Sadly, the Republican alternative to Paul's amorphous lawlessness is Romneyland, where we would just have to accept (in our dear North Carolina, at least) that same-sex couples or even unmarried-by-choice heterosexuals cannot have even the hospital visitation rights that their legally wed heterosexual counterparts have.  There we must confront a great infringement on individual liberty and the consequent civil rights divide.  Ron Paul should be swooping in with jazz hands here, but the seeming unlikelihood of him realistically picking up where Romney leaves off is a major downfall for him in this campaign.  If he indeed wanted to leave the marriage issue solely to the states, then we're certainly seeing what happens when some stuck-in-their-ways religion-based states (*ahem* North Carolina *ahem*) are left to make these basic quality-of-life decisions for all their individual residents.  Paul preaches individual and state rights above all else, but in this case, which are stronger?  When the two cannot reconcile, at what point should the federal government step in and defend the huge landscape of "unconventional," marginalized individuals in our diverse states?

I certainly realize this can go the other way, and as Ron Paul and those in agreement with him on this believe, that if the federal government decides these issues, then they can go on to decide every other issue, and BLAM we're suddenly in 1984.  But I don't agree that it's quite the mudslide he thinks it is.  What's so wrong with making the federal government the open and individual-friendly entity (like recognizing heroin users and prostitutes and raw milk drinkers as citizens, for a change) and allowing states to restrict and determine the more localized issues for themselves?  That way, everybody pretty much gets the kind of freedom they want.

The bottom line is that, yes, Ron Paul is largely supported by the young, intellectual, economically-aware grassroots population, but he's losing bigtime support when it comes to these key social issues, namely same-sex marriage and women's reproductive rights.  The truth is that Obama's newfound, as yet theoretical support for gay marriage is going to boost his appeal, but it doesn't change his otherwise pretty dismal record of action (i.e. corporate bailouts, more troops in Afghanistan, more Patriot Act broohaha).  Of course even this issue won't match the batshit crazy hard-on America had for him in 2008, which means the voting majority this year is going to be the religious right, who simply wants the dang commie out of office.  In order to get the best of both worlds, it's the young, intelligent and generally freedom-loving yet practical Obama supporters that Paul needs to win over, and that will only happen if he recognizes that the moral issues he considers secondary are actually enormous parts of his constituents' lives.  The rights to legally share our lives with the people of our choosing and have children how and when we want to are not the stuff of high political equations or conspiracy theories: they are the stuff of us.  So get with it, Ron Paul, and turn some of those nebulous ideals into accessible plans of action for today's youth.  We want a president who truly is looking out for our basic individual and human rights, not just letting those of our loudmouth Christian neighbors rule.