Morrissey Slaps a Bitch for A Totally Reasonable Joke

Morrissey is on thin ice. Poor health or not, he's having to put the pieces back together after canceling dozens of shows on this year's tour, and his recent clash with late-night host Jimmy Kimmel doesn't exactly help things.

Moz was scheduled to perform on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" last night, his first performance in weeks since laying low due to that dang bleeding ulcer and Barrett's esophagus. At the last minute he canceled due to moral objection to the cast of "Duck Dynasty" being fellow guests. I thought he was joking until I saw this: 

 Clearly, he was deadly serious. Folks at Pitchfork and Slicing Up Eyeballs have reported Morrissey's latest statement on the issue:

"I was disappointed with last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Show wherein our smiling host managed to ridicule depression (70% of Americans have experienced depression according to the National Institute of Mental Health). He then found time to ridicule healthy eating (the obesity epidemic in the U.S. costs $147 billion per year in medical expenditure), and he also ridiculed the notion that animals should be entitled to the possession of their own lives. Furthermore, he found time to jokingly promote gun-ownership - hugely amusing for the parents at Sandy Hook, no doubt. He also promoted his special guests Duck Dynasty – who kill beings for fun. None of the above issues are, of course, as important as Jimmy Kimmel himself, who has finally revealed his show to have an overwhelming loss of meaning. Tune in and relive the intellectual fog of the 1950s."

For the first time ever I'm going to keep my own agri-political opinions to myself because I think both Moz and Jimmy ('s writers) are totally justified. What kind of world would we live in without cunty militant don't-touch-that-burger Morrisseys? And what would we do without Jimmy Kimmels to make fun of them for it?

If only Moz had shown up and--I don't know--engaged in intellectual debate with his host and fellow guests. Even throwing a straight up tantrum would have been better etiquette than leaving Kimmel's producers five minutes to find a new musical act. Ratings would have gone through the roof. 

I can't wait to see what happens at the already infamous Staples Center show on Friday. Stay tuned. Tee-hee.

xx